How Do I Stay Calm When I’m About to Lose It With My Teen or Tween?

Every parent hits that moment—the one where stress takes over, patience runs out, and it feels like you’re about to lose it. What you do in that moment matters, not just for your child, but for you.

In this supportive episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron unpack what’s really happening when parents feel emotionally overwhelmed. They explain how stress hijacks our nervous system, why even the most mindful parents lose their cool, and what science-backed tools can help you regulate and reset in real time.

Dr. Allen and Dr. Caron share four practical strategies every parent can use when distress hits hard—plus a simple, evidence-based approach called the TIPP skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that can quickly bring your body back to baseline.

Together, they explore:

• Why losing your temper doesn’t make you a bad parent
• How your body signals that you’re nearing the edge
• The 4 steps to reduce distress and recover calm
• How to use the TIPP skill to cool down your stress response
• Why regulating yourself helps your child feel safe and secure

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — How it Feels When You’re About to Lose It

01:32 — The Double Pressure: Caring for Kids and Aging Parents at the Same Time

02:38 — Tip #1: A Simple Way to Cope with Parenting Stress and Overwhelm

04:25 — The Power of Self-Compassion for Parents Under Stress

06:13 — Tip #2: Ditching the Comparison Trap in Modern Parenting

07:23 — Tip #3: Finding Supportive Friendships to Ease Parenting Overwhelm

11:45 — Tip #4: Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

13:49 — Understanding Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Its Benefits for Parents

14:18 — Using the TIPP Skill: A Proven DBT Technique for Crisis Moments

15:19 — How the “Temperature” Technique Helps Reset Your Emotional State

16:55 — How “Intense Exercise” Calms the Body During Stress

18:28 — “Paced Breathing”: A Science-Backed Way to Find Calm Fast

20:19 — “Progressive Muscle Relaxation”: Releasing Tension to Regain Balance

If you’ve ever found yourself on the verge of snapping—and wished you had a reset button—this episode will give you the tools, mindset, and compassion you need to stay grounded when parenting feels hardest.

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